Rethinking balance

It's more dynamic than we're led to believe

We tend to think of balance as this static thing—staying perfectly in the middle, perfectly on the line. But I’d like to put forth the case that true balance lies in how you might lose your footing, and come back to center all the same.

After this past weekend, my heart feels full. My parents visited us in this still-new city, and we spent our days eating barbecue and lingering over happy hour picnics in the park. But now, my body is paying the toll for leaning so hard in one direction—my face is puffy, my chest is sunburnt, and my semi-healed ankle is screaming at me.

It’s easy to feel a little frustrated with myself. But I’m learning that real balance is far more fluid than we’re led to believe. Think of a surfer riding a wave: they don’t find balance by standing on a still board over calm waters. Wobbles are part of the ride. 

Some weeks, I am a task master. Exercising daily. Staying on top of my work projects. Journaling and reading and stretching and not canceling phone calls. 

Other weeks, I drift away from the to-do list. I sleep in late on a random Wednesday. I play hide-and-seek with my responsibilities. I forget the promise I made myself that I’d do yoga every day. 

Sometimes this wobble towards indulgence sends me spiraling. I feel like a failure each time I swing in the direction of spontaneity, late nights, and ditching the do-gooder habits that (admittedly) make me feel best. 

But recently I’ve realized there’s no world in which I would ever stick to the rules I make for myself one hundred percent of the time. After all, even Simone Biles falls from the beam sometimes.

In fact, the times I spend playing hooky from my to-do list are the days and weeks that give my life color. And, symbiotically, the times I spend faithfully tending to my good habits build the sort of foundation that can weather the storm of a little slacking off. 

It makes me think of this quote from The Artist’s Way, where Julia Cameron says:

“We've all heard that the unexamined life is not worth living, but consider too that the unlived life is not worth examining.”

Some days, I am at my writing desk, diligently finding the words to properly examine this life of mine. Other days, I am sneaking out the back door, living the life I will later sit at my desk and examine. 

I am finding that this is where the balance lies: not in the details, but in the grand scheme.

Let’s be real—we never reach the bottom of the barrel, anyway. 

Up until I draw my very last breath, there will be dirty laundry in the hamper, a shopping list stuck to the fridge. And certainly, a litany of unopened notifications (or whatever equivalent we have in the future) lighting up my phone screen. 

As I wrote in August:

Life is 90% maintenance. Maintenance of our bodies: eat, sleep, move, wash, repeat. Maintenance of our relationships: talk, spend time together, sometimes disagree, repeat. Maintenance of our work: send the emails, go to the meetings, complete the deliverables, repeat…

I will never reach a state of static bliss in which everything is complete and whole, my life gliding along on a frozen, perfect track. And that’s alright, because the point of being alive isn’t to sit on a throne of enlightenment eating grapes. It’s to work with the daily grist of our lives and constantly remind ourselves who we are and what we’re here for.”

As if I’m going to spend my life in a tizzy over getting it all done. Not when I could be taking an impromptu road trip to visit a friend, lingering over the perfect latte in a coffee shop, or looking up at the trees from the cozy confines of my hammock.

Because in the end, isn’t balance less about getting everything done, and more about savoring the experience of being alive?

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Honey’s Toolbox is your weekly go-to for filling your creative cup and putting your ideas into action—from prompts to spark your imagination to gentle nudges that get you moving. Grab a few tools my friend, it’s time to start tinkering alongside your creative spirit.

1. Journal under the full moon 

Chani Nicholas tells us this full moon in Aries “is bold, bombastic, and in-your-face brilliant… Though Luna’s square to Mars (the warrior planet) could cause irritation, it emboldens us to confront whatever’s bothering us and make meaningful change. But this Full Moon is also conjunct Chiron (the wounded healer), which means it beams a spotlight on our pain and the medicine needed to soothe it. So be soft with yourself. That’s where your greatest strength lies.”

If you’re into reflecting under the light of the full moon, here are some journal prompts to consider:

• In what area of your life do you need to take a brave stand or confront something head-on, and what steps can you take to do so?

• Where do you feel pain or emotional wounds resurfacing right now? What is the "medicine" that could help soothe or heal these old wounds?

• Where in your life do you need to soften? How might embracing gentleness and vulnerability be a source of power rather than weakness for you?

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2. Read some scary stories

If queer, feminist horror is your jam, you can’t skip Her Body and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado this spooky season. The collection won the Shirley Jackson Award and was a finalist for the National Book Award for fiction. 

Start with "The Husband Stitch"—it’s a crowd favorite, and was nominated for the Nebula Award for Best Novelette.

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3. Listen to a spooky podcast

The ode to Halloween continues—get in the mood for all things spooky by listening to an episode of Radio Rental or Spooked. 

Radio Rental shares “bizarre, real-life horror stories told by those who lived them,” and is hosted by Rainn Wilson playing the eccentric video rental store owner, Terry Carnation. Some of the episodes are supernatural, while others revolve around close brushes with serial killers and the like. My absolute favorite is “Laura of the Woods,” the first story in this episode here.

Spooked is a better choice for anyone like me who prefers purely supernatural scary stories. I have too many favorites to list them all, but some top choices include The Watcher, Hellevator, and Dismal Falls. (Heads up: the host rambles a lot. I tend to fast forward through the preamble until I hear the voice of a new storyteller.)

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4. Build an altar to your past selves

Continuing last week’s theme of embracing emerging selves and composting past ones, honor the eras and phases of your existence by building an altar to all the former versions of yourself no longer alive within you. 

This might mean hanging some pictures of yourself in ill-fated fashion choices or collecting knick knacks that transport you to times and places you no longer have access to. Have fun with it, and take it a little seriously. You have all those past selves to thank for where you’re standing now.

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That’s all for now. 

Talk soon,

Katie